Love bombing is a term that is puzzling for some people in the mental health industry. It has a few proponents and many critics, and both sides believe that the other is really wrong. Some say that it can deliver excellent results in the proper setting. Others claim that it is a red flag in many abusive relationships. The conversation is raging on and will probably not reach a conclusion anytime soon. What is clear, love bombing is quite present in toxic relationships.
When discussing signs that are part of a problematic environment, many survivors of abuse always mention love bombing. It gets a lot of attention because it is not always easy to see it as a negative thing. This is especially the case at the beginning of a relationship when everything is positive and upbeat. Another reason why love bombing can slip through so many cracks is the good feeling that it generates. When the process just starts, there is a form of euphoria that comes from the attention.
Here is a quick point, it is hard to resist when someone puts you on a pedestal and makes you feel like the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. The mechanism of love bombing sounds complicated without the proper context and definition.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is when someone tries to manipulate another individual through excessive attention and affection. The demonstrations are often over the top and put the receiver in an awkward situation. Most psychologists have warned against love bombing and say it is an integral part of the cycle of abuse. Interestingly, cults use this technique to fortify members in their ranks against an outside world that is seen as hostile.
Origin of the Term Love Bombing:
What does love bombing mean? Members of the Unification Church coined the phrase in the US in the 1970s. Other religious groups later adopted it, like Family International.
Margaret Singer – A famed clinical psychologist, and expert in religious brainwashing described the concept in her 1996 book, Cults in Our Midst.
In it, she stated, “Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members’ flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing – or the offer of instant companionship – is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.”
While it started in a religious circle, the term love bombing now covers all kinds of relationships. The love bombing meaning is best illustrated by the following examples.
Love Bombing Examples:
The love bombing definition has many layers and might not be clear to everyone. However, some examples of love bombing make the subject easier to comprehend.
Two people have gone on a few dates. One covers the other with attention and says “I love you” rapidly. Moreover, they do not stop there and start talking about marriage, children, and meeting families.
While the excitement of new love is understandable, the individual is moving faster than they should and creating an imbalance in the relationship. This is love bombing at its core.
It is also the person who sends a lot of flowers and calls several times a day at your job. This might appear sweet to some extent. However, a certain lack of boundaries is apparent and must be addressed.
In short, paying attention to the love bomb signs is essential before things get out of control.
12 Love Bombing Signs:
How do you know you are in a relationship with a love bomber. Well, some signs are more worrisome than others; it is best to know and understand what you are dealing with.
1) Excessive Compliments
This is one of the most known signs that the person is a love bomber. It is always pleasant to receive compliments. However, in this case, the culprit takes things way too far. This means that the compliments keep coming and never stop. The excessive praise might appear harmless. However, experts say there is a more cynical reason behind it. It is about control; your self-worth and self-esteem are in alignment with the opinion they have of you.
Additionally, a degree of narcissism is never too far in this picture. They tend to push you into returning some of the compliments. You match their praises with over-the-top language like, “you are the most stunning person I have ever met.” Constant and excessive compliments are part of the love bomber’s playbook.
2) Expensive Gifts
Who does not like to receive gifts? Most people do appreciate a sweet and thoughtful gesture from time to time. However, the love bomber will go overboard. The most problematic aspect, in this case, is the fact they will remind you of the price tag. The love bomber wants you and others to know that they are very generous. At first, you might not notice a problem with this kind of behavior. However, as the theatrics keep getting out of hand, you soon realize that the expensive gifts are more about taking control of you and your feelings.
Moreover, they are an easy way to reinforce the connection with the love bomber. Therefore, if they feel you do not appreciate what they are doing, they might withdraw some of their attention to force you to return for more. While withdrawal might be the most extreme position here, criticism, control, and other baffling behaviors are also part of the equation.
3) Attention
The love bomber wants your attention all the time. They want to be next to you and be able to touch you. Love bombing has much to do with a need for attention and affection. The individual even wants others to envy them. However, if, for an unknown reason, you cannot feed the need for attention immediately, the love bomber may have an extremely negative reaction. They might even threaten to end the relationship.
Sometimes, they say you do not appreciate what they bring to the table. The love bomber can also go as far as issuing threats against you or your loved ones for not giving them the proper amount of attention. In clear, the love bomber wants to be rewarded and worshiped for their apparent generosity.
4) Too Much PDA
Love bombers enjoy physical and digital displays of affection. Moreover, just like the compliments, the PDA is constant. They need to show the world that you are really fond of them.
Once more, there is something twisted at play. If you dump them, your acquaintances will see you as a bad person because you responded to their grand gestures in public. It is a way to put a lock on the relationship and build an image of them being a good girlfriend or boyfriend.
5) Mirror Your Interests
The love bomber is a pleaser and will go to great lengths to be seen this way. They may try to mirror some of your interests to succeed. They will say all the right things that they think you want to hear. Moreover, they will morph themselves into your ideal match. The problem with this is the fact they are playing a part and not showing you their real personality.
You are living with a fantasy. The love bomber will stop at nothing to get your love and affection. According to them, lying and building a fake reality are necessary if they can get closer to you.
6) Early Commitment in the Relationship
Love bombing is not about building a relationship on a solid foundation. It is about getting attention and affection in a speedy fashion. The love bomber has no problems with early commitments, and they welcome them. Shortly after meeting you, the person will want to put a label on the relationship.
If, after the first few dates, they are calling you their boyfriend or girlfriend, chances are, you are dealing with a love bomber. Experts say that they lack awareness when it comes to boundaries in a relationship, including their own limits. They have probably gone through this kind of cycle before meeting you.
7) Move to the Next Step Quickly
The love bomber is always trying to gain more ground in your life. While most couples wait a certain amount of time before moving in together, a love bomber will quickly put this option on the table. The goal is to become an essential part of your life and control your space. They are not thinking about starting a life with you; it is about finding creative ways to infiltrate your world.
Moreover, in love bombing, there is often an excessive interest in your life and background. Moving in together fast might be a way to get more information and control. Therefore, it becomes harder for you to leave.
8) Gets Offended Quickly
With a love bomber, you are always working hard not to offend the person. This happens because there is a lot of narcissism in love bombing. You learn to walk on thin ice with this person because things can degenerate in a rapid fashion.
For example, you try to set some boundaries in the relationship, and they react in a very negative manner. From there on, you find yourself overthinking not to get the other person angry. The problem becomes a source of stress for you because you can never let your hair down.
9) Blame You For Setting Up Boundaries
When things are going too fast in this type of relationship, the person getting love-bombed may ask to slow things down. This will not go well with a love bomber who will make them feel bad for not being on the same page.
A clear illustration is when a love bomber says “I love you,” and the other person has not responded or is less enthusiastic. The love bomber will turn to guilt-tripping to regain their footing and tell the other person that they are not the one they thought they were. The objective is to make the other feel like a colossal failure and disappointed for being honest about their feelings.
10) Saying “I Love You” Too Fast
Here is another revealing sign that you might be dealing with a love bomber. While love has changed and romance has evolved over the years. The L-word remains an important step in a new relationship. It should never be used casually without sincere feelings attached to it. The love bomber can say “I love you” in a matter of days.
Average men and women usually take 3-4 months to say the word. Moreover, if you feel uncomfortable or think it is too early in the romance, you are probably in the right. Love is a process, and it takes time to build confidence after meeting someone.
You should not force yourself to please a love bomber and ignore your true feelings.
11) Introduce You to Someone Important to Them
A relationship is starting to get serious and move to a different level when you feel comfortable enough to introduce your person to your loved ones. If you are ready to introduce them to your family, your friends, and other people who are important in your eye, it is clear that the relationship is taking steps forward.
However, in a love-bombing environment, things move pretty differently. A love bomber might introduce you to their children or relatives rapidly. That is when it is time to pause and evaluate the situation because this person is showing traits of a love bomber.
12) Painting a Big Picture
The love bomber can paint a bigger-than-life picture of your romance that may be hard to resist. Most relationship experts say that around the 6-month mark in a romance the two lovebirds are starting to build something really solid together. That is why some statements in the early stages of the relationship might help spot a love bomber.
- First, they may try to convince you that the two of you are perfect together. While anything is possible, it takes time to get to know someone.
- Secondly, they may tell you that you have a fantastic future together. To share a future with someone else is to know them really to some degree. It is hard to imagine this is feasible in a few days.
- Thirdly, in their excess, they want you to know that you are perfect. While this might be true, it is impossible to fully judge perfection in less than one week in a relationship.
The love bombing signs indicate when to slow things down in a new relationship. If you spot some of them in your love interest, it might be time to look for deeper clues, and listen to, and analyze some of their statements. In short, an evaluation of the relationship is necessary.
Why is Love Bombing Bad?
The love bombing cycle is dangerous because it can be a big problem for your mental health, akin to emotional abuse. It is possible for the individual targeted to become hooked to the love bomber, which is how they gain power over the person they are chasing. If the love bomber begins to withdraw, that is how the abuse starts. Love bombing then ghosting or silent treatment might seem illogical, but it is the reality for the person being love-bombed.
In a way, love bombing succeeds when the person at the receiving end cedes control of their heart and mind to the love bomber. However, in many cases, the love bomber starts to lose interest and moves on to greener pastures. The emotional devastation that they leave behind can take years to be repaired. It is important to remember that love bombing is above all about control.
Can Love Bombing Be Good?
Love bombing is seen more positively in specific cultures that might view expensive gifts and the over-the-top expressions of love as pluses. Moreover, some health experts like clinical psychologist Oliver James say that love bombing is not always bad. While the cases might be rare, nonetheless they do exist.
For James, in the book Love Bombing: Reset Your Child’s Emotional Thermostat, love-bombing manipulation can help parents rectify some issues in children with emotional problems. He believes that those kids do love attention.
Others say that the expensive gifts in love bombing can be a good thing if they have no negative intent. Psychologist Dale Archer says extreme romantic gestures during the courtship period of a relationship are not always bad.
The key is to discover if the love manifestations are genuine and sincere.
What to Do After Getting Love-Bombed?
While getting in a relationship with a person with narcissist tendencies can leave a lot of traces, there is hope on the other side. Many people have gone through something similar and were able to come out stronger. The aftermath involves knowing your self-worth and building up your self-esteem.
Additional tips after getting love-bombed include reconnecting with family and friends, recognizing that this was abuse, and cutting contact with the love bomber.
Conclusion
In conclusion, love bombing can exist in romantic relationships and even in friendships. The key to moving forward is spotting the signs and taking concrete steps to protect your mental well-being. While it is essential to remain vigilant, it is necessary to keep the door slightly open in the rare case that the person is genuine about their feelings. The main goal is not to cede control of your heart and mind to someone undeserving.
